You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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