dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
