I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I fill condoms, not promises.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
