I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize