waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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