around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
