I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
