I can text with my tongue
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize