Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
