You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The struggles of a small town man whore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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