so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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