just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
