Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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