I faked an abortion last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
