I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
