this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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