she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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