just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
