there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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