At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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