Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
