Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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