and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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