Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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