Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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