i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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