My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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