1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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