Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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