i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
