I have demons in me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
