i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
