I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
