Tell her she can't have a vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
