shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
