Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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