I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
