Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
