this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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