Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
