I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
