I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
