conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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