oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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