i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
