i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
