Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
