I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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