hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
