its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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