So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
