I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
