Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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