what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
