i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
