i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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