no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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