M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
