Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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