Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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