remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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