I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize