If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
