Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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