Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
