Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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