Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
