When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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