What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
