Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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