he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
