Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
