im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
