How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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