please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
