Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize