i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
