I think I won the penis lottery.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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