Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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