playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
