I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
