of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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