ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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