So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
