dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize