Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
