sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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