Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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