Betty ford says i'm here all night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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