when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize