apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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