I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
