I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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