yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
